Saturday, January 26, 2008

Mind games!

Time: 12:59 am, 26th january 2008

Thought: Are we the slaves of our mind or is it the other way round?

Listening to: Delilah - plain white T's

Going to: Sleep

What do you really want??

It is just a part of the human nature to be insatiable. No one can be happy with what they have. There are so many things in life that u really want but no one knows what they actually need!

In my case, sometimes(actually most of the time) i want something and when i get it .....I DONT WANT IT!! When its not mine, i keep wishing for it and once i have a chance to lay my hands on it....that thing just loses importance in my life. I wonder why that happens!
I think i still dont know myself so much to analyze what i am really made for...

I always wanted to live out and study. Living in a hostel, doing things your own way(it only sounds fascinating...the actual truth remains in one's perception), away from parents, completely new set of friends( who become your lifeline later) and blah blah! When i was in bombay.....never in my wildest dream did i imagine myself to come so far. It all seemed like a dream!
Living here for almost 2 years now, i can proudly say i have been there done that!(and i know there is still lots more in my kitty!) There were so many times that i thought that i was better off in bombay. Then phases passed when i couldn't stand the hostel and the 'n' number of girls hovering around you stealing your personal space which you can freely obtain at home. There were times when i hated bombay for how crowded it is( forgetting the fact that i lived there for 18 years!) and wanted to shift permanently to pune.....(even got down to convince my dad to shift here) But thats all history.

My major problem was that, i kept running from problems in both the cities and accordingly shifted my preferences...i know i know 'the grass is always greener on the other side'
But today i can feel the change. It was a completely different me last year..She was a weak and extremely sentimental person who was afraid of loneliness..who could not bear the fact that the limelight could not remain hers all the time! She was some one who got attached to things very fast but remained unknown to the fact that all things are going to change all the time...all people are going to change ...and nothing can remain constant..changes keep happening every now then..may be some thing is changing while i am writing....

Right now i am breathing a different sort of air! I know who i am, how i am and that i have the power to make people happy in my own small ways! Just last week some one called me immature and stupid, without even knowing me! But that still dint stop me from self analization. I still went through thoughts like 'am i really that kiddish? am i so stupid? why do i laugh so much?' Though i care a damn about the person who obliged me with such 'sweet and polite' notes, i still strained my brain! But that just made me realize my strengths more and more... special thanks to 'that' person!

Oh Yes!!! I think before i die i will definitely do theatre( i know thats random, but thats my dream...) To enact plays and entertain people! Thats what i do the best.That is something from which i will surely attain nirvana!

Friday, January 25, 2008

My new mantra..........

When i was in school all i remember doing was...get up go to school, come back and take a and play and blah blah! i dont recollect any day where i get up and think 'oh god what the hell is happening in my life?? why am i doing this??' coz when you are in school all you are concerned with is, your studies, your homework and play! No deadlines, no pressure of submitting bunking and then getting TNG! (i dont think who ever reads this will understand this ..but i am writing to satisfy myself...what the hell! heehee....newaz getting back to the topic...)
Today at the age of 19....if i think life is stressful...god help me then. But it is! ask any of my college college has suddenly realized we exist and after about a lull of few days....its raining projects in the city of pune!
theres is so much to do....and obviously you want to do it perfect......and when that does not happen ...frustration starts to show its ugly face.... earlier i used to sulk when too many things were on my mind!(dont remember when though)
But right now...there is soooo much in the head and mind u every thing is frustrating......all i can do is laugh! oh yes laugh ....thats my new mantra....
a point comes in life when nothing affects you anymore...and there is a lot to do but your mind goes this point LAUGH!!!!
Its not like you are making fun or far as i am concerned..i think i laugh so because..the moment i become aware of what shit i have fallen into...i visualize myself in even worse conditions and then LAUGH at it.....thinking 'atleast i am not there!' hahaha.......
But this positivity is not always with me that i can boast about it.....the rest of the time i laugh at my situation...simply visualizing myself as a cartoon....and reciting some of the most stupid and cliched dialogues of bollywood cinema!!!

i think i should sleep

eyes hurt....snores heard....lights are off....its time to stop!!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

And finally i made it.....

every time i heard people talking about blogs i thought... may be i should also have one...and finally i have succeeded. I was thinking of making an account for quite some time...and today is the day...i have a blog...yay!( i actually suck at this..but i hope it will be fun! aahhhh procastination... thats what held me back for so long!)
But i have vowed...i will not leave anything for later.....(well that just lasts till the time you finish reading the statement! after that i am back to being the usual me......a major example of that has to be animation!) thats just a topic in itself...i can crib about it for centuries together....maybe tour the whole world and post abusive language on every single wall about how annoying it is! It is it's not 'like' but 'it is' a silent killer....woah!
maybe i should make a different topic for our very own....."annni-may-si-yon.......hieee yah!!!"

my first blunder on blogspot..

i keep forgetting ..i have to change the time!! ....which i dont!! ...which is why all my posts are wrong timed and dated!!
learn sanjyot learn!!!